Life is a very interesting adventure. From an outside perspective looking in it can often appear like the majority of people have their shit together. Social media both helps and hurts this idea. It has helped by letting anyone and everyone post anything through a literal and figurative filter. You can edit your photos and post about your “amazing” life with a few simple clicks. You can post on your feed or tweet about how grand everything is from your new shiny job to the dinner you slaved over. We live in a time when it is easier than ever to give your opinions, to show off your accomplishments, to have your own individualized soap box next to everyone else.
I wouldn’t claim I am any different; I am certainly nothing special in the scheme of things. In fact that is my point…I have completely lost myself in the never-ending social media world and have been fighting like hell to figure out who I am, what I am “meant” for, and how to get there and that is part of the hurt–not many people are super honest about anything that could portray them in a negative light.
I floundered in my early college years as a waitress constantly changing majors or schools. Turns out I am a great college student, but a sucktastic college socialite. I hated having roommates, couldn’t care less for the supreme party scenes and had no real passion or subject I excelled at. After several years I decided to join the Air Force. I had nothing to lose and I needed adventure (and a real job).
Turns out I was pretty good at being Active Duty. I even enjoyed it so much so that I finished a Bachelor’s degree ended up meeting my husband and had my first kid. That is where my entire world flipped inside out. See, by this time I had found a passion and my drive. I wanted to travel the world, to be someone (I suppose I didn’t specify this request, as technically I am someone to a few very important little people-just not “someone” like I thought)! When my daughter was born my husband had a new job in the Air Force at a new base and if I stayed Active Duty I couldn’t go with him. We made the choice together for me to leave the military. I left all I had known for 6 years and traveled to a new place with my husband and new baby daughter. Turns out that is where the identity crisis truly began.
I got a mediocre job thinking I would work my way up, I became ultra motivated and started a Masters program, I got pregnant again and had my son. I was actually starting to feel pretty confident about my potential career and our life when I got a phone call one day that said, “I just received orders to Germany and we have to decide in 24 hours…” WHAT…well of course I am not going to say “no babe don’t take those as I may have a pimp career soon” (and seriously I didn’t have a pimp anything yet except family). So I left my job and went to Germany…not just Germany but middle of farm land Germany.
I will address this huge pinnacle move later but needless to say that move was both the worst and best of my life and has brought me here to Spokane, Washington totally lost as to what to do next and realizing that my life has been pretty damn awesome in the scheme of things. I don’t have a career, I would love a career and will keep trying, but I don’t have a career. I do have A LOT of knowledge and hard-earned lessons on being a driven military spouse, a stay at home mom who never wanted to be a SAHM, dealing with depression and anxiety, dealing with women who can be so mean, and also women who can be so up-lifting. I have a plethora of experience in making and losing friends, PCS-ing around the world, attempting every hobby known to man (not literally, but sometimes it feels that way), volunteering, working different jobs, being an outgoing introvert and psychologically evaluating everyone and every situation I come in contact with.
I am here to be real and honest. I mean you are reading about the woman who took pictures of her kids in “time-outs” across Europe since trips are not always so easy and amazing as Instagram and Facebook have us believe. I am here to help you not make the mistakes I have, or to at least let you know you are not alone…that a lot of us have no clue who we are supposed to be and that is okay. It is okay to be a bit lost in life, as long as you live!